From panic to peace

I was experiencing extreme panic attacks. Especially at night, always gasping for air. I was constantly overthinking and always on edge. My anxiety was getting too much for me. My family heard me one night and called an ambulance due to an attack. I was referred to the doctors and I saw a mental health nurse who told me about TT+ and that I would be referred quickly. I was contacted within a week. I was really surprised by how quickly I was contacted

I was feeling anxious all the time, however, during the day I suppressed it, but at night in my sleep, I would panic and it would wake me up. I used to be distressed when I was dreaming. I would dream that I was panicking about things. My dreams were really vivid. I was constantly distressed, no sense of peace in my sleep. My dreams, used to go through or make up for the things I was suppressing during the day. They say that your dreams help you to quieten things, but for me, I was always distressed.

I know we can’t eliminate anxiety completely, but I wanted to lessen it, I wanted to feel peace and rest. I hadn’t felt peace in a very long time. My counsellor was very helpful at every session. Helping me to focus on the here and now, controlling my breathing, and giving me tools that worked best me. The here and the now, was one of the best tools for me to use. To give some background, I was married but it was very hard. No one knew of the difficulties I went through. I kept it to myself. My family don’t even know now. I finally got divorced, but felt I couldn’t face the situation. I kept reflecting back on the situation, thinking maybe I could have stopped what had happened to me but at that point I couldn’t. My therapist told me that I needed to forgive him for my sake and that I needed to forgive myself for not speaking up.

I was reluctant to speak about everything, as I struggle to open up. I’m a private person. However, my therapist made me feel at ease. She’s non-judgemental and was so reassuring. I would often say, “I’m only telling you this, because I know you won’t judge me”.  I was very emotional initially when talking with my counsellor. It felt like I was reliving it again, but now I’ve realised it was and is in the past. The first three sessions, I didn’t want to talk to her about anything but eventually I opened up to her. As well as reassuring me, she also made me reassure myself. Having 12 sessions really helped, we were able to build up a bond, which helped me to say everything that I needed to say. We went on a journey together, and she always reassured me. I’ve never done that with anyone before.

My counsellor catered to my needs. I feel that she is always catering to each person’s needs. Which was one things, I loved about her. She uses different techniques for different people. As I am a Muslim prayer is important to me. They asked ‘does prayer help you?’ and suggested that I should pray. She asked me what kind of things helped me and brought me peace, and encouraged me to implement these things in my life.

She was just amazing the way she came across. She advised me about some books I could read, which also helped me. She’s helped me a lot on my journey. She has made a positive impact on me and I will always be grateful for that. I don’t think I would have been able to cope. She was always available for me if I needed anything.

Thank you for supporting me. You make a difference in people’s lives. If I hadn’t have had this, I don’t know what would have happened. I was feeling like there was no point but after the sessions I felt like things could change. I don’t know how I would of coped without the service as it has massively impacted on how I think and it’s definitely made a positive change in my life.  I haven’t had a panic attack in 3 months, I used to have them two or three times a night. I don’t feel much distress in my sleep anymore either.

Since therapy I feel OK. I do feel lighter in myself – less anxious. It’s made me feel more in control of my thoughts and more in control of myself. I’ve learnt how to control my anxiety and have learned to grounded myself and the process of learning forgiveness, including my parents/family, him (husband) and myself. Being able to go through that forgiveness process with everyone. I’ve benefitted from being able to let it out and feeling lighter in myself.