From Depression to Hope and Direction

I was really struggling, going through a serious bout of depression. I was just bottling up, how I was feeling. I felt like I was at the end of my rope – at my wits end.

I was feeling depressed, anxious, worried and scared. I felt like the only way out was for my life to end, but not by suicide, I wanted to go through natural causes. I felt like a sack of meat, like my life was going nowhere.

I’ve been through a lot. I was homeless from the age of 16 and have had a difficult life, with broken relationships and being in and out of work. I was in serious debt. Covid didn’t help. I’d previously been an outpatient at Hallam Street, but due to moving into work my mental health had improved massively. After Covid, I went into another role but I lost my job as I was falling to sleep at work – even on the way to work on the bus.

I visited my GP and pending investigation. I was placed on the sick. During this time, depression kicked in. I then got run over and ended up being house and bedridden for a couple of months. I did eventually go back into work but then I went off sick again – I am still having medical investigations and still having health issues. I heard about TT+ when I was referred back to the Crisis Team and was then referred into the service.

I was looking for relief, with all that I was going through, in my situation. I needed someone to talk to and help me to cope with what I was going through. At the time, I had nothing! Work had left me with nothing, because I was on agency. My therapist has helped me to overcome my negative coping mechanism. I had previously done a counselling course myself. But if you don’t have someone to talk to, it’s a struggle to put things into practice.

My therapist has helped me to reflect on myself and shown me who I am and what I am capable of. She’s made me realise that I can say ‘f’ the world and try and carry on, as things move on.

Recently I feel like I am more open with myself, freer!  I’ve noticed more about who I am and what I want. I’ve been given positive coping mechanisms, which have helped me to remember my counselling training. It’s reminded me on how to get through what I need to do, how I need to cope and what other people need to do.

I was always putting other people before myself. TT+ helped me to realise that I need to put myself first and not put other people first. Especially with my finances, I kept putting others before me. My therapist showed me that I was being selfless, but I thought I was being selfish by putting my needs first.  She has been a great help.

The counselling has helped to ease those feelings (worry, anxiety and fear) and has really helped me. I feel like I have more hope and more energy and a bit more ‘get up and go’ in myself. I have a lot more faith in my actions, I have plans. Previously, I had faith in others but not in myself. I’ve realised I need more strength and faith in myself. I’m making plans and kicking myself into gear. I want to focus on my work and hobbies, as I’m feeling inspired.