Finding Myself Again

I had split up with my husband but I felt I needed counselling because of falling out with family members and I wasn’t coping well, I could feel that I was losing myself. I was overthinking and couldn’t switch it off. I was really emotional and upset. How I was feeling was taking over everything. I just didn’t really like myself.

I had a friend who had counselling and she suggested I speak to you guys. The sessions have really helped me. It’s really important to me. I wanted strategies to help me not let things overwhelm me, to the extent that they were. As I focused on such negative things that I could spend hours just overthinking.

I needed better coping mechanisms – I knew what I was doing wasn’t working. I knew I needed to get my head right. I needed acceptance. To be able to accept how I was. Because life throws things at you and with what happened/has happened, I felt as though it was tipping point so knew I needed to do something for my kids.

My counsellor has helped me to understand myself and like myself. She’s helped me to look at what steps I can put in place for when things happen or what I think will happen. The liking myself and my boundaries has been so important. I have really struggled with this and she’s helped me. I realise now that I am not a bad person. My reactions aren’t bad, but because I question myself so much, I now know I have the tools to help me plan better – I need a plan to help me stop feeling overwhelmed. I really needed them. It’s sometimes easy to forget that the tools are there to be used, especially when things happen quickly.

Being able to accept who I am has been a big thing, I don’t have to put myself in position and don’t have to give my power away, I get to keep my power. And having the steps I need to prevent things from spiralling out of control. Sometimes I was afraid of telling people how I was feeling about things.  We’ve been looking at ‘Is it as bad as you think it’s going to be’, using mapping and writing things down to helps me to process how things have gone. Using these things to helps me to protect myself.  

I think I am handling situations that are out of my control better. Sometimes I still have moments, but I am making steps forwards, and not carrying things in my head as long as I used too. I think I understand myself a lot better and learnt to be kinder to myself, but it’s not only impacting my family members – in a positive way – but also in work, it’s helping me to address things better. I am learning to process things before I say them, so I need to plan what I am going to say before I say it. Because when I react, I then worry about what I’ve said. We’ve worked on who I am and all the positive things about myself.

I just like myself a bit more and can handle things out of my control a lot better. Which is impacting positively in all areas of my life. I think I need to keep working on the things. I’ve been taught and I am now in a position where, I don’t have as many wobbles. When I think I’m having a wobble I write it all down. Writing the stuff down and knowing the tools and little things and reminding myself of all these things. When I write things down, it helps me to be more rational. Rather than overthinking. I have always been a highly anxious person and I wasn’t coping with it at all. Using positive affirmations, reminding myself that I am human.

Moving on has been the difficult bit, when things go wrong in my mind. However, I feel more settled. I might have a moment, but I can come out of the sadness quicker. Sometimes when I’m driving I like to talk to someone through the car. So I don’t feel lonely. My therapist told me to record myself when I need to vent, which has helped – they’ve worked me out really well.

My counsellor is amazing. She gives you homework and sometimes the homework is difficult because you have to look inside yourself but you know it will help you. She has talked through the theory around how this stuff works, to help me make sense of everything. You never feel judged. Sometimes, when I get the homework and I say ‘Oh no’ but I know it’s right for me. She is trying to help you form new habits, there’s old habits that are there, but also helped me to forgive myself and others and we forget that sometimes. She’s ACE! She’ll flip things to make you think, to help you work things out.